Sahir Ludhiyanvi wrote this couplet in one of his best nazms for movie Gumrah:

Ta'arruf rog ho jaye toh usko bhoolna behtar,
Ta'aluk bojh ban jaye toh usko todna achha.

Woh afsaana jise anjaam tak lana na ho mumkin,
Usey ek khoobsoorat mod de kar chhodna achha.

Ta'arruf - Acquaintance
Ta'aluk - Relationship

Listen to this timeless master piece here.



Some relationships don't pass the test of the time. We feel the need to end these rotten relationships and move on. When that moment comes, how easy it is to take that decision. And how difficult to be firm on the decision. Chalo ek baar phir se ajnabi ban jayein hum dono. It is not as simple as that. As the relationships that cause so much pain are the relationships that are very near and dear to us.

Can we turn our rotten relationships into new relationships with no baggage as the poet proposes! Can we really end something really painful on a positive note! Sometimes yes. I always like to end relationships with a smile on my face. But at other times it is just not possible. It also depends on the other person and on the circumstances. But we should always try. My gray hair tell me that the emotional baggage of ending something with pain and anger keeps tormenting us for a long time. My litmus test for such relationship is this beautiful sher by Nida Fazli:

Dushmani jam ke karo, lekin yeh gunjaaish rahe,
Ki jab kabhi dost ban jayein, toh sharminda na hon.

Good, bad, bright, dull, interesting, boring, are all relative terms. None of these could be defined in isolation. However, most of us don't realise this fact when we use these adjectives. I think it makes our job easy. Our daily exercise of passing judgments, scrutinizing people, criticizing others actions, feeling superior and declaring ourselves unique becomes much easier. The exercise of self-glorification is very important for our positive self confidence. It is a reason for our existence, defining our identity; although flawed most of the times.

Another interesting thing about relativity of adjectives is that the scale against which we compare keeps changing. More often faster than we think or estimate. Although, we might not always do the comparisons explicitly, but at the back of our minds we unknowingly measure things against a scale. And our mind, depending on many things, keeps updating the scale.

The culmination of first week at ThoughtWorks University's six weeks program in Banglore is the time for updating this scale. First week was surprisingly exciting. Interactive sessions, positive energy all around, perfect weather, spicy food, new friends and a new beginning. All of these defined by relative adjective terms. All of this is beginning to change. Remember, change is inevitable! For good or bad, it is going to change. No one can stop it and its never coming back. The end of the beginning, of the honeymoon period, of novelty, of novice positivity. The end of innocence! Now we know the truth, or are beginning to know the truth. At least we think, we are.

Putting things in context, we all have experienced the first week. And it has been good in terms of most things. However, now the good in the second week would be defined by a new scale. The scale that has been set in the first week. Every session has been interactive so far. Breaking in teams to do activities is no longer as exciting as it used to be. That is now expected. Interactive might become new boring. The positivity in the team has also beginning to fade somewhat. A correction was due in this regard. Optimism, followed by pessimism normally gives birth to pragmatism. The end of the innocence, usually makes us mature, wiser and more responsible.

No one knows what lies beyond the horizon, but lets keep working hard. Hard enough to be ready for anything. At the same time let's not forget to enjoy this time. Future would reveal itself when it becomes the present. Sooner than later. As one of my new friend here noticed, let me finish this post with a couplet as I always do:

Sarakti jaye hai rukh se naqaab ahista ahista,
Nikalta aa raha hai aftaab ahista ahista.
                                                -- Ameer Minai

Aftaab - The sun

Life creates chapters. It forces us to move on to the next chapter once we have spent enough time on the previous one. It is up to us then to do a little exercise at the end of a chapter to see how much have we learnt. These exercises are different than the exercises that we used to do in school but a lot more important. The difference comes from the fact that there are no preset questions, you yourself are the examiner, you are the student and you are the evaluator. So questions can be as tough or simple as you like. I often do these exercises to figure out what would I be taking away and what have I lost in the last leg of my journey. And I don't believe in falsely pretending that everything that happened was good or we should forget about negative things and emphasize more on the positive lessons. To me, my failures are as important and dear to me as are my successes if not more. I like to "feel" the pain of my failures.

My last chapter was called "Grad School" and it was a wonderful learning experience. Unlike many other chapters, I chose it myself. But like many other chapters, results were mixed. Academically, I achieved well over my own expectations and targets. But even then it only left me wanting for more, especially in the last few months when I lost my motivation for various reasons. Personally, I met a lot of interesting people and my sense of the world seems much more complete now. On the positive side, I met two persons that I became very close to. On the negative side, none of these relationships could survive. One of them just fell apart towards the end and the other can't be taken forward to the next chapter. Aaaaah… such is life!

Anyways, I am moving on. Joined ThoughtWorks in Chicago today as Application Developer. Frankly, it was not my first choice but is definitely among the companies that I would love to work with. I am really looking forward to it.

If you think about it, all the beginnings are alike. You don't know what lies ahead. You have same kind of anxiety, fear and excitement every time you make a new beginning or should I call it the old beginning. Ends, on the other hand are always new. At the end of every endeavor, you will learn something new; end result is always something different. I find this idea of "New End and an Old Beginning" philosophically interesting. In the words of TS Eliot:

What we call the beginning is often the end. And to make an end is to make a beginning. The end is where we start from. We shall not cease from exploration and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.

It also reminds of a beautiful song sung by legendry Noor Jahan that goes like this:

Le aayi phir kahan par kismat humein kahan se,

Yeh toh wahi jagah hai guzre the hum jaha se.

Listen to it. It is worth it.

It has been quite some time now since I last updated my blog. It isn't that I have been too busy to write or didn't find any topic worth a post. In fact there are a lots of issues that wanted to write about. A lot has been happening on the political front and in my personal life. I hate to admit this but I just couldn't get my act together. It was pure laziness in most cases. Also, somehow I am unable to complete any artistic work in last 3-4 months. Even if I leave alone my unfinished portrait, the only poem I could finish in this time was about someone very close to me. And even that person didn't like it. Hooo... So here I am, writing about a song that deeply touched my heart. It was written by Gordon Lightfoot at a time when he was going though a divorce with his first wife. I was listening to it almost daily. And guess what, I just got inspired and decided to wave a poem around the thoughts that this amazing work invoked. But now, I don't think I would be able to finish it either. But I can obviously share something that someone else was able to finish:

If you could read my mind, love,
What a tale my thoughts could tell.
Just like an old time movie,
'Bout a ghost from a wishing well.
In a castle dark or a fortress strong,
With chains upon my feet.
You know that ghost is me.
And I will never be set free
As long as I'm a ghost that you can't see.

If I could read your mind, love,
What a tale your thoughts could tell.
Just like a paperback novel,
The kind the drugstores sell.
Then you reached the part where the heartaches come,
The hero would be me.
But heroes often fail,
And you won't read that book again
Because the ending's just too hard to take!

I'd walk away like a movie star
Who gets burned in a three way script.
Enter number two:
A movie queen to play the scene
Of bringing all the good things out in me.
But for now, love, let's be real;
I never thought I could feel this way
And I've got to say that I just don't get it.
I don't know where we went wrong,
But the feeling's gone
And I just can't get it back.

If you could read my mind, love,
What a tale my thoughts could tell.
Just like an old time movie,
'Bout a ghost from a wishing well.
In a castle dark or a fortress strong.
With chains upon my feet.
But stories always end,
And if you read between the lines,
You'd know that I'm just tryin' to understand
The feelin's that you lack.
I never thought I could feel this way
And I've got to say that I just don't get it.
I don't know where we went wrong,
But the feelin's gone
And I just can't get it back!

(Source: http://gordonlightfoot.com/ifyoucouldreadmymind.shtml)

Here is the man himself singing it live.



And a more recent adaptation.



Its amazing! Isn't it? The lines that bowled me over:

Then you reached the part where the heartaches come,
The hero would be me.
But heroes often fail,
And you won't read that book again
Because the ending's just too hard to take!

And if you read between the lines,
You'd know that I'm just tryin' to understand
The feelin's that you lack.
I never thought I could feel this way
And I've got to say that I just don't get it.
I don't know where we went wrong,
But the feelin's gone
And I just can't get it back!

I have made a fresh start now. Lets hope I am able to get it back. I would really like to keep publishing my thoughts regularly.

I have recently moved to a new apartment which is a bit closer to campus. The interesting thing about my new habitat is that it has three churches in 100 m radius. One of them is right in front of the apartment. So how would it be to live in the vicinity of god? I know that in India if you have a home near to a temple or dargah, life becomes hell (hell is also part of god’s kingdom). You would have that religious cacophony with C-grade lyrics and music copied from popular bollywood songs torturing you day and night. And you can’t do a damn thing about it. You can get away with anything in India except taking on anything that is remotely religious. I am not expecting that here in States. The issues are a bit different here. One of my American friends told me that the church that is right in front my apartment primarily targets homosexual people. Their services and events are designed to cater to the needs of these children of god who are not liked by most of the churches in mid-west. Although I don’t believe in god and am not in favor of organized religion, I like to visit Churches, Mosques and temples now and then. I would have to be careful with this one though. Whether in India or US, being god’s neighbor is not a joke after all.

Also, I am a bit humbled to have Him as my next door neighbor. Ghalib wrote this when he shifted his residence to the vicinity of a mosque:

Masjid kay zere saya ik ghar bana liya hai
Yeh banda-e-kameena humsaya-e-khuda hai.

And I truly share his sentiment.

"What is your aim in life?" asked one of my best friends while we were enjoying 'free lunch' at work.

"Umm..., I don’t have any aim..." was my frank reply.

"What do you mean you don’t have any aim? You gotta have some purpose to your life..." he shot back as if I was the only guy in the world who didn’t have any defined aim. This was one of those rare occasions, when he probably saw an opportunity to win an argument with me.

I started eating my sweet dish before finishing the meal just to get some time to think. "I take my life one stride at a time and don’t think beyond 5 years. I set new objectives when I have achieved what I earlier aimed for" was my reply.

"I am asking about your overall objective" he was relentless.

"I don’t have any overall objective and I don’t think that it is necessary" I replied as if I knew that I was right and found the discussion completely useless.

"What is _your_ overall aim?" this was my turn now and I expected to catch him on wrong foot.

But he was well prepared for the question and probably was expecting it. "I wanna go into space." he said looking at me with eyes filled with strong determination and face lit up with confidence.

We went on to argue until we finished eating and as usual didn’t reach any conclusion. As a last ditch effort to convince him that I have a valid point, I later sent him this sher written by Allama Iqbal on chat:

Har makaam se aage makaam hai tera
Hayat zauq-e-safar ke siwa kuchh aur nahi

Frankly, I myself wasn’t sure of what I was arguing for and I now realize that I had no idea of what we were talking about.

(To be continued...)

Watched Shayam Benegal's Mammo yesterday. Although I regard all his movies very highly except may be Zubeida, this one according to me is one of his best works. Farida Jalaal as Mammo is brilliant and gives her most memorable performance. The way Shayam Benegal tells the narrative of human relations torn apart by political boundaries touches your heart and makes you wonder if national/regional identities matter at all. Kudos to Mr. Benegal for creating such a beautiful piece of art and making my Sunday evening such a treat! To add to my pleasure, movie had a beautiful Nazm sung by Jagjit Singh and written by Gulzar Sahab. It liked the lyrics (specially the last sher) so much that I just cant stop listening to it. Here is the text:

Ye faasale teri galiyon ke hamase taiy na hue
Hazaar baar ruke ham hazaar baar chale

Na jaane kaun si matti watan ki matti thi
Nazar mein dhool jigar mein liye ghubaar chale

Ye kaisi sarhadein ulajhi hui hain pairon mein
Ham apane ghar ki taraf uth ke baar baar chale

Na raasta kahin thehra na manzilen thehrin
Ye umr udati hui gard mein guzaar chale

P.S.

The Nazm can be downloaded here: http://www.archive.org/details/YeFaasleTeriGaliyonKeHumseTaiNaHue

My roommate today reminded me of this absolutely awesome song, sung brilliantly by one and only Mohammed Rafi. Very few singers know this art of blending feelings and emotions into their voice. Rafi was master of that art.

Watch it here if embedded video isnt working:
http://www.rajshri.com/musicvideos/nowplaying.asp?type=hindi&band=low&fileID=musicvideosLove1173 or http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i85EpitOIkM

Sahir Ludhiyanvi wrote many deep-meaning songs for movies. Some of my favorites are "chalo ek baar phir se ajnabi ban jaayen hum donon", "yeh duniya agar mil bhi jaaye to kya hai" and "kabhi kabhi mere dil mein khayal aata hai". Sahir Ludhiyanvi wasn’t just a lyrist, but was a shayar in the true sense. "Kabhi kabhi" was in fact a poem from his collection Talkhiyan. Amitabh Bachchan recited the simplified version brilliantly in the movie with the same name. The original poem is much longer and much more difficult to understand. But once you understand the meaning, its just beautiful and more meaningful than the film version. I found a video of Sahir Saheb reciting the original poem himself on youtube (couldn’t believe my luck):



And here is the text of the original poem along with meanings of difficult words:

Kabhi kabhi mere dil mein khayaal aata hai...

Ke zindagi teri zulfon ki narm chhaon mein
Guzarane paati to shaadaab ho bhi sakati thi
Ye teergi jo meri zeest ka muqaddar hai
Teri nazar ki shuaon mein kho bhi sakati thi

Ajab na tha ke main begaana-e-alam reh kar
Tere jamaal ki raanaaiyon mein kho rahata
Tera gudaaz badan teri neem-baaz aankhein
Inhin haseen fazaaon mein mehav ho rahata

Pukaratin mujhe jab talkhiyan zamaane ki
Tere labon se halaawat ke ghoont pi leta
Hayaat cheekhati phirti barahana-sar, aur main
Ghaneri zulfon ke saaye mein chhup ke ji leta

Magar ye ho na saka, aur ab ye aalam hai
Ke tu nahin, tera gham, teri justajoo bhi nahin
Guzar rahi hai kuchh is tarah zindagi, jaise
Ise kisi ke sahaare ki aarazoo bhi nahin

Zamaane bhar ke dukhon ko lagaa chuka hun gale
Guzar raha hun kuchh anjaani rahguzaaron se
Muheeb saaye meri simt badhate aate hain
Hayaat-o-maut ke pur-haul khaar-zaaron se

Na koi jaada na manzil na roshani ka suraag
Bhatak rahi hai khalaaon mein zindagi meri
Inhin khalaaon mein rah jaoonga kabhi khokar
Main jaanata hun meri hum-nafas, magar yun hi

Kabhi kabhi mere dil mein khayaal aata hai...

Shaadaab - Blissful
Teergi - Darkness
Shuaon - Brightness
Begana-e-alam - Alien to sadness/grief
Jamaal - Beauty
Raanaaiyon - Elegance
Gudaaz - Tender
Neem-baaz - Half-open
Mehav - Drowned
Talkhiyan – Bitterness’s
Halaawat - Deliciousness
Hayaat - Life
Barahana-sar - Uncovered-head
Rahguzaaron - Paths
Muheeb - Dreadful
Simt - Direction
Hayaat-o-maut - Life and death
Pur-haul - Full of terror
khaar-zaaron - Small trees with many thorns
Jaada - Path
Khalaaon - Vacuum
Hum-nafas - Companion, Of the same breath

Here is the one recited by Amitji (Jump to 02:09):




For me the real theme of the poem is in these lines:

Magar ye ho na saka, aur ab ye aalam hai
Ke tu nahin, tera gham, teri justajoo bhi nahin

Try to think about something that you loved dearly and couldn’t get. And try to imagine yourself in a state where you don’t have it, you don’t grieve the loss and don’t have any desire to get it either. All the three are conditions are so difficult to attain simultaneously, at least for me. But once you understand this state of mind of poet, the meaning of the entire poem changes. It is no longer just a ghamgheen poem! Listen to it again...

My shyarana mood continues and so does my musings on the concept of life. I should be able to finish and share my new ghazal on the same topic very soon. In the meanwhile, I came across this beautiful ghazal by Seemaab Akbarabadi that I thought was worth sharing:

Duniya mein hoon duniya ka talabgar nahi hoon
Bazaar se guzra hoon kharidar nahi hoon

Zinda hoon magar zeest ki lazzat nahi baaqi
Har-chand ke hoon hosh mein hoshiyaar nahi hoon

Is khana-e-hasti se guzar jaoonga belaus
Saaya hoon faqut naqsh ba-deewar nahi hoon

Woh gul hoon khizan ne jise barbad kiya hai
Uljoon kisi daman se main woh khar nahi hoon

Talabgar - Desirous
Zeest - Life
Lazzat - Pleasure
Har-chand - Always
Khana-e-hasti - Existence
Belaus - Without gains
Faqut - Just
Naqsh ba-deewar - Carving on the wall
Khizan - Autumn
Khar - Thorn

(Main source: http://www.curlio.com/spc_showarticle.php?id=1156)

To be, or not to be, that is the question.

As Shakespeare asks in Hamlet, is it better to live or die? Is it better to keep battling with life's challenges than to surrender and embrace death? On the other hand, isn't living just because you are not dead like everybody else, a form of inaction or running away? If life is always a misery, isn't it cowardice to bear it silently? Why not revolt? Why not challenge your fate? Why not refuse to suffer and see what death has for us?

Watched Matrix yesterday. Yeah, 8 years after it was released and I am still not sure if I was able comprehend it fully. But I liked the theme. It reminded me of a scene of one of my all time favorite Hindi movie Guide, in which Dev Anand says:

ज़िंदगी एक ख्याल है,
जैसे कि मौत एक ख्याल है

न सुख है,
न दुख है,
न दीन है,
न दुनिया

न इंसान,
न भगवान

सिर्फ मैं हूँ, मैं हूँ, मैं हूँ, मैं...
सिर्फ मैं...

The only thing that is real, is illusion!

तुझे इश्क हो ये ख़ुदा करे,
तुझे कोई उस से जुदा करे

तेरे होंट हँसना भूल जाएँ,
तेरे आँखें पुर-नम रहा करे

तू जिसे भी देख कर रुका करे,
वो नज़र झुका के चला करे

तू इस की बातें सुना करे,
वो किसी और की बातें कहा करे

तुझे दोस्ती भी न आये रास,
तू तन्हा तन्हा रहा करे

तुझे हिज्र की वो झड़ी लगे,
तू मिलन की हर पल दुआ करे

तेरे ख्वाब बिखरें टूट कर,
तू किर्ची किर्ची चुना करे

तुझे इश्क पर हो यकीन तब,
उसे तस्भियों में पढ़ा करे

फिर मैं कहूं इश्क तो ढोंग है,
तू नहीं नहीं किया करे!!!

पुर-नम = Tearful

हिज्र = Separation

किर्ची किर्ची = In Small Pieces

तस्भियों = A String of Beads Used in Counting Prayers

I came across this absolutely mesmerizing ghazal today. I tried but could not find out who the poet is. I had got into the poetic mood after three days and was trying to complete my unfinished ghazal. But this piece of poetry consumed me completely. I was not able to think anything at all except this. I have got to make a presentation tomorrow and I am just thinking about this poem and writing it on my blog. This seems so foolish.

सुनते हैं कि मिल जाती है हर चीज़ दुआ से
एक रोज़ तुम्हे मांग के देखेंगे खुदा से

 - Rana Akbarabadi

"मुझको तेरी आवाज़ से खुशबू आती है,
और खुशबू में रंग दिखाई देते हैं.
तू जब नही है, तब भी तू है साथ मेरे,
मीलों से छूते हैं तुझको हाथ मेरे."

How beautifully put into words by Javed Akhtar! This the part of the lines narrated by Javed Sahab himself in the song "Aanan Faanan (Mehfil Mix)" from the movie Namaste London. He, in my opinion, is the most versatile and talented lyricist of Bollywood today. He can simply write anything from "Tumko dekha toh yeh khayal aaya" to "Where is the party tonoght" in such a graceful way. Gulzar on the other hand, has produced absolutely breathtaking poetry in the past and in fact, his 'abstract and yet simple' style of writing has influenced me as a poet in a big way. But he is below average these days. I didn't like his lyrics in the last few films like Guru, Just Married ,Jhoom barabar Jhoom , Bunty Aur Babli. He has been good at a few places and the songs have been hit, but he is no match to the work Javed Sahab is doing these days. Same poetry continues further as:

"वो जो तेरी साँसों में हैं घुले हुए,
कहीं रहूँ, वो गीत सुनाई देते हैं.
बादल, तितली, कलियाँ, लहरें, फूल, हवा,
यह सब तेरे रुप दिखाई देते हैं.
मैं हूँ, तेरा नाम है, तेरी बातें हैं,
हर पल दोहराता तेरा अफसाना हूँ.
मुझको तो अब होश नहीं है,
तू ही बता, सब कहते हैं मैं तेरा दीवाना हूँ"

I wish I could write even half as beautiful as this......